Tom's BLOG

I think I speak for all of us in saying that it’s hard to believe the 2011-2012 school year is nearly over. It seems as though it was just a couple of months ago that we welcomed students and families to campus for the start of the school year. Looking back, a great deal has been accomplished. Thanks to all – students, faculty and parents – for investing so thoughtfully in the school year. We can all be proud of the growth that has characterized our students’ experience.

On behalf of all of us at North Shore Country Day School – teachers, advisors, coaches, administrators and staff – I would like to thank North Shore parents for entrusting us with your children. The best schools are made up of the best students and I challenge anyone to find a more genuine and response group of young people. North Shore students are curious, capable and positive. What more could we ask? Thank you to North Shore parents for believing in the School and for giving so much. Your support means a lot and makes a difference.

My wish for you and your family this summer is to enjoy and embrace the change in routine. As I mention each year at this time, I encourage you to avoid over scheduling your children. Summer should be a time to slow down and shift gears. A lack of action, even boredom, should rule the day. A gift that you can give to your children is to help them shape their summers so they have time to read – summer assigned reading and reading for pleasure. I worry that technology, computers and video games are robbing children of the opportunity to lose themselves in books. We owe it to them to steer them accordingly.

As we look ahead to school year 2012-2013, know that we will be ready to welcome students and families back in late August. It is our hope that our students come back refreshed and eager – not worn out or having been over directed. I encourage you to give your children space this summer, to fight the tendency to over schedule or over manage them. Individually and collectively they are quite something, and we need to give them space to be themselves.

photo credit: Corey Harris (flickr.com)

I read an article in the New York Times last weekend titled “The Education of Mark Zuckerberg.” I was drawn by my fascination with the Facebook phenomena and the youthful CEO. What really grabbed my attention was the following quote from one of Mark’s friends. “He is a sponge in terms of learning. He has a higher ask-to-talk ratio than anyone I know. He is constantly asking ‘Why? Why? Why?’”

The quote resonated with me because I have always believed students who are good listeners make better learners. Said another way, students who like to hear themselves talk miss a number of opportunities to learn.

At North Shore, people-to-people interactions are key. We frame the agenda so that conversations, discussion and debate are integral to an academic day. Many times, a teacher recognizes a student for a thoughtful comment or detailed response.

I wonder if we, in a similar fashion, acknowledge students for listening, understanding and processing thoughtfully. It seems to me as though we may not — that we may take the benefit of talking less and listening more for granted. The quote above is the first time I’ve heard listening defined in terms of the “ask-to-talk ratio.” For my mind it is a concept that resonates.

I am guessing that nobody has ever compared Shirley Cullen to Mark Zuckerberg, but I am about to. Shirley was a distinguished Lower School science teacher for 19 years. As a teacher, she instilled a love-of-learning in her students and gave them time to process and absorb what they were learning. She was also a wonderfully active and responsive listener. Whenever I found myself talking at all-school faculty meetings, I would glance at Shirley and she would be fully present, smiling, nodding and really listening. Her active listening always made me feel somewhat empowered. I am guessing that when Mark asks a question or seeks input, people feel empowered as well.

I challenge all of us – teachers, parents and students – to recognize that critical to healthy interaction is listening. I think we can all benefit from an awareness of the “ask-to-talk ratio.”

Listening to the Parents’ Association Parent Education speaker Psychologist Barry Schwartz the other night, I was struck by his insight and wisdom.  While many of his comments resonated, I found one particularly intriguing. “As we study people and their journey through life we have learned that good enough is usually good enough.”

I struggled with his quote because often our message to young people is to seek excellence, and be their very best.

What I concluded is that “good enough is usually good enough” doesn’t conflict with students seeking to do their best. Schwartz’s remarks focused more on evaluating the outcome of a person’s effort.  He points out that in today’s world with seemingly limitless choices, too much choice and unrealistic expectations undermine a person’s sense of well-being. People are happier and more fulfilled with less choice, not more.  In effect, Schwartz is telling us that trying to excel in everything is a no-win game.

I believe we serve ourselves, our students and children best by narrowing the options and opportunities, and understanding that success is actually defined in a number of dimensions.

As a parent, I tried to challenge my kids to do their best and achieve at a high level.  Interestingly, I hope I didn’t expect they would excel in everything.

By accepting young people as individuals who have strengths and weaknesses, who feel passionate or interested in some things and not others, and who we value for doing a good job — but not always an excellent job, we send them a message we believe in them — we honor the process of their growth and know that being only “good enough” at times is OK. We respect who they are and have great belief in who they will become.

Recently, I saw a New York Times golf blog video featuring golfing legend Arnold Palmer and his grandson, Sam Saunders, who is also a professional golfer. At the end of the video, Arnold said, “Whatever success I have had I attribute to developing my own style. I’d love to be able to tell my grandson, here is the right style for you, now make it work. But you can’t do that. You have to let him determine his own style and his success will depend on how well he develops that style.”

I think that is a great metaphor for schools and for parents raising their children. We clearly and very consciously steer children toward a particular type of focus, particular areas of emphasis and a particular direction. At the same time, parents and teachers must be careful not to be too directive or narrow students’/children’s options with our guidance.

We need to recognize the wisdom in Arnold Palmer’s belief. Children, our students, need to develop their own style, be their own people. Their success and satisfaction is derived by how well they develop their style, their strengths and their talents.

Close families and small schools seem best suited to nurture and guide this development. For in small, close-knit environments the adults can be more responsive, more attuned and connected, and sometimes, more sensitive to know when to step out of the way.

I am struck often by how much we, as a school, benefit from the commitment of so many people who contribute to our ability to be a first-rate school. Our students and teachers contribute to our success, and so do parents, trustees, alumni and friends. North Shore is the school it is today because so many have done, and continue to do, so much. Last Saturday’s Auction Party, “The Purple Wave,” was a wonderful example of how so many in the School community function in a manner that advances the School. It was a great evening on so many levels and we have the Benefit Board to thank.

For more than 30 years, dedicated Benefit Board volunteers have stepped up to organize the event spending countless hours, endless energy and unbounded creativity. Last Saturday night, over 300 of us enjoyed one another’s friendship at a spectacular evening. Not only was it a terrific party, but it also raised over $200,000 to enrich teaching and learning at North Shore.

On behalf of all of us, I thank the Benefit Board leadership and all the volunteers who contributed to make the evening such a success. Positive energy and spirit was felt by all – and we all benefit.

Small classes, motivated kids, good teaching, interesting topics, a cohesive and connected group. All these things contribute to meaningful learning, all make “real school” happen.

One of the best parts of my job is that I get to wander the halls and see countless ways that North Shore delivers for students.

Yesterday, I walked past an 11th grade English class and saw North Shore at work. The teacher, Kathy McHugh, had all of her students gathered in the seminar room adjacent to her learning studio (classroom). The students were sharing their observations about The Great Gatsby. All in the class were involved, either by speaking or listening – weighing in, offering insights. Curiously, I noticed the learning studio and seminar room being used in a way that I hadn’t imagined. Key phrases from the book were written on the glass walls.

It made me think about my school days. Who would have thought that writing on the walls would have been permitted, much less encouraged? It was amazing. The energy, light and dynamic were palpable. Clearly, the students were learning from each other, their teacher and the space.

Whether it’s students in the new Upper School building, Middle Schoolers huddled in the Science Center atrium, or kindergarteners parading through the halls celebrating the 100th day of school, teaching and learning is happening in a wide variety of ways at North Shore – some expected and some unexpected. The driver is not how we have always done it, but what will engage students most meaningfully and maximize their growth.

Adam Kim '13

As I often do after a Morning Ex (MEX) presentation, yesterday, I tracked down our Performing Arts Department Head Michael Querio to get his thoughts on the concert that had just taken place. While I’ve seen a lot of school performances and programs, Michael’s sophisticated insight always helps me frame things, always adds to my awareness. I occasionally ask Michael to educate me, to tell me which of our students performed at a high level, or, as I put it, “who was really good.”

Yesterday’s answer really struck me, “Adam Kim was astounding, and, you know, off stage he is just a normal kid wandering the halls and doing his thing – amazing.”

Michael’s words stayed with me. First of all, what a wonderful privilege it is to be a teacher or to work in schools and be exposed to exceptional talent and potential. Secondly, what a privilege for Adam and other students to be in a place where all are equally valued.

At North Shore we don’t measure students by a rigid standard. We don’t constantly rate or rank students by their performance. Instead, we encourage, we challenge, and we give students space – in and out of the classroom – to do their thing, to grow and to be.

My belief is the best schools don’t limit students by what they do, but see each student for who he or she is. Adam is an exceptional pianist – he, like so many of our students, is quite a person as well.

Last week, just after I gave some remarks at the Benefit Board/Parents’ Association meeting, I was on my way to the Middle School on the ground floor. Just as I turned the corner by the Library, I saw two young Lower School students. One of them immediately said, “Hello Mr. Doar. Could you help us?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Which way is the Activities Room?” he asked.

“This way,” I said and motioned for them to follow me as I retraced my steps toward the hallway that passes the cafeteria on the way to the Activities Room at the end of the hall.

“That’s what I thought,” said the young man glancing at his friend in an unspoken “stick with me kid” kind of way. “Thank you.”

The interaction was only this long (I’m holding up my thumb and index finger about an inch apart). But I keep replaying the scenario over and over again.

My take-away was that this 2nd grader is incredibly well positioned to succeed going forward. He was respectful, but spirited; confident and a get-it-done kind of person. So much of life is about attitude and focus. Isn’t it nice that examples of mature and thoughtful behavior can come from students of all ages?

I am on record that our “new” upper school building has exceeded our very high expectations. The spaces lend themselves to learning, to interacting and to connecting. I am energized daily, in a way that I have never been before, seeing students and teachers interact and engage in school. There is a “humanness” about the place that is very compelling.

One of the things I wasn’t prepared for following the completed renovation of the Upper School was the steady stream of visitors wanting to tour the facility. Their awe at the transformation of the building is a reminder that we are lucky to have donors who made this happen; we are fortunate to have teachers and students who maximize the building the way it was intended; and, we are grateful to the architects for their design vision and the contractors for their skills to meticulously implement the plan. It’s also a reminder that we should not take this for granted.

With that goal in mind, we collaborated with Trung Le, architect and principal of Cannon Design who designed the Upper School, to produce a video to educate our community and prospective families on the concept of “The Third Teacher” and the role the environment plays in education. Le is clearly passionate about the importance of providing spaces for connecting and collaborating; allowing for classrooms to be reconfigured quickly and easily; and integrating technology to support teaching and learning.

Even if you have had the chance to walk through the new Upper School, I encourage you to see the building through Le’s vision. You might even see a few familiar faces. And if you like what you see, I encourage you to be an ambassador for North Shore and forward the link to family, friends and others you think might be interested in learning about educational environments of the future that are being implemented today.